Author’s Note

A note from Betsy and Brenda about how, and why, we wrote what we wrote.

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This is a novel, and it is true

Every scene in The Crick Code is drawn from Brenda Holm’s real childhood inside the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (FLDS) community in and around Colorado City, Arizona and Hildale, Utah — a community known to insiders as “The Crick.” The people who shaped Brenda’s growing-up years, her fears, her small joys, the code of behavior she was taught to obey: those were real, and they mattered.

We label the book as fiction — and we call it a novel — for three specific reasons.

1.  Names have been changed.

The names of all characters in the novel — family members, neighbors, church leaders, teachers, friends — are pseudonyms. Brenda’s own childhood self appears under the name Becca. Small identifying details (jobs, exact ages, physical descriptions) have sometimes been changed alongside the names, where doing so would not distort the story’s emotional truth.

We made these changes for two reasons:

• Many of the people in Brenda’s life are still living inside the FLDS community. Some are family. Naming them publicly would put them at risk of consequences from a community that punishes dissent, and would also strip them of the right to tell their own version of events if and when they choose to.
• The story is Brenda’s, and it is meant to be read as her story. Making a directory of real names would center the wrong thing.

2.  Some memories have been condensed.

A childhood does not follow a novelist’s arc. Real life scatters its key moments across years, with dull stretches in between. To let the story flow, we have combined some conversations, moved a few incidents closer together in time, and represented some recurring experiences with a single scene. Everything in the book happened. Some of it happened in a different order or over a longer stretch than the reading pace implies.

3.  This is not journalism.

The Crick Code is not a work of investigative reporting. We did not interview outside sources, cross-reference archives, or attempt to reconstruct events Brenda did not directly experience. It is Brenda’s memory of her own life, shaped into narrative form. Where memory is imperfect — and memory always is — we chose emotional accuracy over documentary precision.

What this book is not saying

We want to be clear about a few things this book is not:

• It is not a statement about any specific living person. The characters in the novel are composites and pseudonyms. Any resemblance between a character and any specific living person, other than Brenda herself, is either a product of shared community experience or coincidence.
• It is not a statement about the mainstream Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (the LDS Church). The FLDS is a distinct religious group that separated from the mainstream LDS Church in the early 1900s over the practice of polygamy. The mainstream LDS Church has publicly disavowed polygamy for more than a century and has no institutional relationship with the FLDS. Nothing in this book is a comment about the LDS Church or its members.
• It is not a comprehensive account of the FLDS community. It is one girl’s account of her own childhood. Other people who grew up in that community have their own stories, and their stories may look different from Brenda’s.
• It is not a policy prescription. Brenda and Betsy are not asking anyone to take any particular action toward the FLDS community, the state of Arizona, the state of Utah, or any individual. What we hope for is understanding.

If you recognize yourself

If you read The Crick Code and you believe you recognize yourself in a character, we would like to hear from you. Names have been changed and details adjusted specifically so that no reader would be able to identify anyone with certainty. If you have concerns about how you are represented, please email us at betsy.cluff@gmail.com and we will listen.

For readers considering this book

The novel touches on subjects that some readers may find difficult: religious control, gender-based expectations, the pressure on children and adolescent girls to conform, family separation, and the fear of eternal consequences for disobedience. There is no graphic violence and no sexually explicit content, but the emotional weight is real. Please take care of yourself as you read.

If you are living inside a high-control community and this book is finding you in a difficult moment, please know that resources exist. Two we trust: Holding Out HELP, based in Utah, supports individuals leaving polygamous or high-control religious communities. The Sound Choices Coalition and similar organizations provide additional support. You are not alone.

— Betsy Cluff and Brenda Holm
July 7, 2026